Kerri’s Bachelorette Party

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we gatecrashed a friend’s friend’s bachelorette party last night. they were lounging at a yet to be opened bar at Clarke Quay called Beer Market, where the restaurant above Shanghai Dolly used to be. the unique thing at this bar is that the prices of the beer fluctuated according to demand and supply of beer at that place for the week. since they weren’t open to public yet, there wasn’t much activity on the market.

the girls were deciding whether to carry on the party somewhere else or not when the owners of the bar came up to her one by one. one of them even offered to open a bottle of champagne to celebrate her last few days of singlehood. in the midst of toasting, the girls requested for them to play Apple Bottom Jeans. the guys looked at us puzzledly so they started rapping the song while clapping their hands:

apple bottom jeans (jeans)
boots with the fur (with the fur)
the whole club was lookin at her
she hit the flo (she hit the flo)
next thing u kno
shawty got low low low low low low low low
them baggy sweat pants
and the reeboxs with the straps (with the straps)
she turned around and gave that big booty a slap (heeeey)
she hit the flo (she hit the flo)
next thing u kno
shawty got low low low low low low low low

immediately everyone had the OHHH look on their faces, even the waitress who was trying to help us remember the title of this song. the owners offered to sacrifice their friends to do the bride a lapdance with that song. they managed to drag this guy into the party and he was rather sporting about it. he commented outloud to his female friend that the bride has big boobs and stuck a wad of notes down her cleavage. when she protested that it was only $12, he whipped out his credit card and tried to swipe it. we were all bent over with laughter at the sheer silliness of it. later on, she got dragged on stage and the tomfoolery continued. the boys attempted a badly choreographed lapdance but one had to applaud their efforts, considering they were making a fool of themselves with a bride they never met before today. elsewhere, the USA vs Ghana match was starting but no one cared, except for this one table of 3 girls who were apparently rather upset that the projector tv was turned off for just 5 minutes while the lapdancing was going on. she shouted, “WE WANT TO WATCH THE MATCH LAH!” to which someone from the front turned around and politely told her, “there are other tvs in this pub, you can look at those first?” to which she quietly grumbled against. it’s amazing how unsporting some Singaporeans are.

many many rounds of drinks exchanged between both groups to celebrate the newfound friendship. i was dragged off to join them and was almost coerced into a round of flaming drinks when we realised the bride had collapsed onto one of the couches with puke all over herself. she had passed out unceremoniously in a corner with the night’s dinner bubbling out of her uncontrollably. they were trying to hold her up so she could puke into a bin rather than all over her right shoulder. and if that weren’t enough drama, one of the girl’s cousins who suffer from low blood pressure and almost passed out at another club, suddenly started gasping for breath and shaking very badly. her limbs went numb and she looked like she was going into shock. those around her started rubbing her fingers furiously. the waitress offered to lend her her inhaler, thinking that it was an asthma attack but the gasping girl waved no. she begged for a paper bag and started breathing heavily into it. moments later, her breathing calmed down and she was talking animatedly again.

when it seemed like everything had settled down, Bry bravely offered to carry the passed out bride out of the bar to the cab. while i ran ahead to clear the way, he lifted the girl and cursed, “sweet fuck!” apparently, he had underestimated her weight and his shoulders almost popped out of his sockets. midway through, he rested her on a table while he panted. i ran down a flight of stairs while the other girls tried to help him. i flagged a cab down and the cabbie panicked when he saw that we were carrying a concussed girl out. he shouted at us not to leave her in the cab, and we reassured him that we were accompanying her. which idiot would dump their friend in a cab on their own?

surprisingly lot of drama for one night. i think drama follows my friend around. all her parties seem to turn out this way. we should hang out more often!